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Yesterday, I recapped our marathon watching of the Hobbit. We then watched all three theatrical editions of Lord of the Rings the next day and ate more food.

Table of Contents

Fellowship of the Ring

Cool fact from Aunt: Words at the beginning spoken in the dark by Galadriel were actually from Treebeard in the book.

Everyone is given these rings of power and no one is suspicious at all. I would totally be suspicious of free stuff but that’s just me.

There’s an epic battle and no one can defeat Sauron! Until the puny human cuts off his fingers! That’s actually a pretty good idea. Why had no one thought of that before?

CONTINUITY ERROR: That is not Martin Freeman finding the ring. And that is not even like remotely close to how he found it in the Hobbit. I mean that’s just lazy film making that they wouldn’t bother looking into the future to get the scene exactly the same.

LOL I love how Bilbo isn’t even remotely afraid of Firework Dragon. He’s all “What what? Dragon. Nonsense. They’re cute as bunnies.”

Gandalf visits the coolest library ever and then does some break dancing with Saruman.

Everyone volunteers to help Frodo go to Mount Doom. We loved Gimli volunteering. “And my axe!! My….other axe. My first axe got broken.”

We have nicknamed Legolas Captain Obvious. Just watch the movies. He is. Everyone in the movie decides to take the big, jaggedy, snow covered mountains because THAT sounds like a good idea. When there are echoes on the mountain from evil Saruman, Legolas says “There is a voice on the mountain!” Oh and he just gets better for the other two movies 🙂

After watching these movies so many times we start to wonder things we hadn’t before. Like Gandalf escapes from Saruman but when you see him again he mysteriously has his staff back that Saruman took.

Aunt: How did Gandalf get his staff back?

Me: He used the Force.

The Two Towers

Aragon goes all Sherlock to find the Hobbits. He’s got mad skills.

Legolas/Captain Obvious is a little less helpful when Aragon’s Sherlocking takes them to the forest.

Legolas: This forest is old. Very old.

As we are watching the awesome that is The Lord of the Rings trilogy my aunt realizes something.

Aunt: The Hobbit is just not as good as Lord of the Rings. It’s like Star Wars with the prequels. It’s been 30 years! Why bother.

Enter the Nazgul on a Thestral

Gollum takes Frodo and Sam all the way to the black gate and then suddenly remembers a “better” way to go.

Gollum: It has stairs and then….a tunnel. With nothing creepy in it at all. Very safe, dark tunnel.

Everyone: Ooooh we love how creepy Wormtongue is. *simultaneously* Wait – he doesn’t have eye brows. What the heck.

Wormtongue: I told you to take the wizrads staff!

Soldiers: Ooooops. We must have forgot…..#sorrynotsorry

Theodin is king (last time he checked) and decides to take everyone to the fortress Helm’s Deep. There are old people in carts and we just can’t help ourselves.

On the way there they get attacked by Orcs. How do we know this? Well it’s a good thing we have our good friend Legolas around.

Legolas: *kills Orc* A scout!

Nooo. I thought he was a nice Orc.

Everyone runs to Helm’s Deep and then 10 gazillion Orcs get there. Orcs are ramming the door. Kids are throwing rocks at them.

Aunt: “Go away or we shall taunt you a second time!”

Return of the King

Enter Orc commander who is seriously allergic to bees.

Legolas and Gimli and Aragorn go to recruit an army of dead traitors. The horses don’t like this idea. Guess what Legolas/Captain Obvious says. Guess.

Legolas: The horses are restless

By this point we’ve been watching movies all day long and we don’t have anything to say about all the battles. There’s lots of battles. We do wonder why Frodo and Sam don’t like spontaneously combust into flames from all the heat but that’s pretty much all we had left to say about this movie.

The Food

*Maggotty bread (Angry Orcs: We ain’t had nothing but maggotty bread for 3 stinkin days!) is banana bread with coconut and chocolate chips. It’s actually quite yummy.

Not pictured: Beef and potato stew. (Gollum: What’s taters precious? Sam: Po-ta-toes. Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew.)

Well we had a blast! I hope you enjoyed it!!